Joke of the Day

[Dick61]

I went to the Doctor for some help with my erectile dysfunction. He gave me some pills that he said were guaranteed to work. I took two of these little pills just before dinner, lo and behold, halfway through dinner and I've got the hots for the missus something chronic. I grabbed hold of the wife, gave her a huge kiss, then we proceeded to make wild passionate love on the dinner table amongst all the plates and glasses and everything. It was wonderful, I haven't been able to perform like that for years. Unfortunately, we've been banned for life from ever going back to that restaurant.

[Gaddy]

Gotta love copy n paste!!

BAD EXAMPLE


One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".
Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

[Gaddy]

Hahahahahah!!!


A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,— pointing out that if someone made even a small error in his copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The abbot says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point my son."

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot...

Finally, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

"We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...

“CELEBRATE !”

[Gaddy]

I was standing in line at an ATM the other day behind a man with no arms and only one leg. When it was his turn to use the ATM he turned to me and asked if I could check his balance for him. So I pushed him over...

[Gaddy]

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"